Susan Smiles

This Pain

This pain in my heart runs so deep
Rearing its ugly head
When I am unable to cope
They say time will heal all wounds

Do wounds such as mine ever heal?
Will they ever leave me free?
Some men took my innocence
Did they not see what it would do to me?

I was so young
They were so wrong to leave me in such torment
Will I ever escape this haunting in my mind?
I wish they had thought about the damage they have done

This pain leaves me unable to hope
For the Love I so much desire
Now I feel like a pyre
Distant and aloof

Will anyone understand?
What it means to me
To not trust any other soul especially not me
My heart is so empty now

I am trying to make it through,
I miss that little girl that was I
Where did she go?
Is she hiding in the recess of my mind?

You see I have hidden all my pain
Cause I feel so much shame
So much self-loathing and despair
I am a broken doll in need of repairs

Why did they feel they needed to destroy?
My future, my hopes, and my desires
I feel that little girl from time to time
Standing in the wings

Those men have not destroyed me
Just set me back a while
Time to deal with those demons
Swimming in my mind

I am sending back this pain
It will not control me anymore
Just want that little girl
To feel that she is worthy of love.

Stephanie Gatehouse